last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
