You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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