you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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