true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
