this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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