i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
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I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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