Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
