i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
