you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
