i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
