I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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