Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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