bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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