she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
