Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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