I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
