goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need moral support for this bender
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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