I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
