id be glad to
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
