I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
