I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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