I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
