I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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