god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
