that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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