How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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