She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
