I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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