If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
