Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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