I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
