why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
