That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
