I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
