I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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