I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
