I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize