don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
