is your mom at the bar?
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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