Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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