He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
