..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
