I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
