You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
