Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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