Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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