Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
