he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
