i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have feelings that need drinking.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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