Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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