we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
