She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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