My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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