A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
