Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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