I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
