Too much gin, very little bucket
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
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I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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