I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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