I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
