very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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