I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
