Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
