You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize