I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
