He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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